How To Break Out Of The Self Destructive Loop

You wake up, stress about your future, do nothing to change it. Then, to escape the pain of staying the same, you spend your day doing things you know aren't important, so you can avoid the things that are. Then, you feel guilty for not achieving what you wanted to, that voice in your head, that weight in your chest, that reminder of wasted time. You promise the next day will be different, but it won't, you know that, and you won't do anything about it because convincing yourself you're doing everything you can takes less effort than actually doing it.

Why do people keep doing things they hate?

It’s not that I’m a special little flower that never got stuck in that trap but the one who has escaped it because he knew there has to be a way.

Most people don’t believe there is a way out.

They are trapped inside their own little world.

They can’t silence the negative thoughts in their mind.

Until, one day, they tell themselves they’ve had enough and can’t tolerate this anymore, so they do everything they can think of, just to end up in an even worse position because, over the years, their poor habits have programmed their mind to stay comfortable, so it rushes back to its bubble of comfort at the first sign of discomfort.

They live in a constant repetitive loop of being fed up with their lives -> deciding to change it -> not being able to change it -> feeling helpless, and every time they reach the last stage, their bar for what can be done to improve their lives drops down even more.

It’s no wonder why most people are depressed these days.

It’s no wonder why 70% of people end up in lives they hate (source chatgpt)

So, they start to accept maybe this is what normal life is, maybe they were meant to live life this way, maybe their suffering has no end, maybe the universe hates them and has made it its duty to make sure they can never stay happy.

But they miss the point.

You’re trying to fix your life without believing you can fix it.

It never works this way.

The Death Of Who You Are

You need to kill yourself (not in literal terms) just a part of you.

Your limiting beliefs are a reflection of your self-image.

If you see yourself as someone who struggles to stay consistent, that’s how you’ll behave.

If you see yourself as someone who’s disciplined, the inconsistency disappears because it’s no longer a part of you.

But it’s not that simple.

If it was, everyone would have been happy, dancing around like children in a pool.

“So, what do I do?”

What does a judge need to announce a sentence? Proof.

Why do you think you can’t change yourself? Proof.

Your habits, interests, and choices have compounded in the negative direction to create a limiting belief around your mind that you can’t change yourself.

Proof creates belief.
Belief creates desire.
Desire creates action.
Action creates momentum.

All of this leads to one thing:

You can’t change your life until you stop seeing yourself as the person who can’t.

I cannot stress this enough: stop identifying yourself as the person who fails, the one who can’t stay disciplined, the one who can’t get their life together. These are stories you have been holding onto for so long which you don’t bother challenging because it’s easier to believe them and stay the same than to go through the painful process of facing your fears and finding out if they were real or not.

I cannot double stress this enough: you will fail, a lot. It’s okay, it’s normal, it means you have finally broken out of your little bubble of comfort and are evolving for the first time in your life.

You will never know what works if you don’t test everything that does not work.

The Blueprint For Reinvention

Step 1: Rip Up the Old Script

You’ve been living by a script written by someone else — your parents, your teachers, society, friends, even your past mistakes.

Every page is filled with limiting beliefs like, “I can’t do this” or “This is just who I am.”

But you need to realize, you’re not obligated to play the role they assigned you.

First step is recognizing the lies you’ve internalized. Write them down. Look at them. Ask yourself, “Where did I learn this? Why do I believe this?”

Get your answers, remove the limiting beliefs, and burn the old script — metaphorically or literally.

You don’t need permission to rewrite your story.

Step 2: Reverse Engineer the Problem

You don’t change when you decide to change, you change when you understand why you haven’t already changed.

Most people never ask the hard questions:

• Why do I make excuses for not taking action?

• What if there is a way I can move forward, what am I not willing to see or believe?

• What am I afraid will happen if I fail, how can I deal with it?

These questions aren’t one size fits all solutions. I don’t know what problem you’re facing. The point is, whatever you’re going through, zoom out and break down your problems into questions. Sit with them, dig deep into them, and keep revisiting them until you know your blockers better than they know you. Clarity dismantles fear.

Step 3: Borrow Belief Until You Build Your Own

One of the hardest parts of transformation is convincing yourself it’s possible when you’ve never seen proof.

But the good news is, you’re not special. Everyone before you has had a tough life, and they have shown every problem can be dealt with.

Borrow belief from the people who’ve done what you’re trying to do. Read their stories. Watch their journeys. Surround yourself with people who reflect the version of you that you’re trying to become. Borrow their confidence, their discipline, their vision — until one day, you don’t need to borrow anymore because you’ve built your own.

Step 4: Obsess Over Systems, Not Goals

Everyone sets goals:

• “I want to lose weight.”

• “I want to make more money.”

• “I want to be more confident.”

But a goal without a system that makes it easy to execute will just remain a wish.

A system is the how. It’s the structure that makes success repeatable. For example:

• Instead of “I want to be more confident,” your system might be speaking up once a day in a situation where you’d usually stay silent.

• Instead of “I want to save money,” your system might be automating 20% of your paycheck into a separate account

Goals are the destination, but systems are the vehicle. Without one, you’re not going anywhere.

Step 5: Do the Unseen Work

Unseen work sucks — almost losing your mind trying to figure something out but realizing no one will ever care how difficult it was.

Welcome to this thing called life.

Again, I don’t know what your goals are or what your version of unseen work will be, but you sure as hell will have something to work on (if you stop making excuses).

Unseen work is where character is built — not in the spotlight, but in the shadows.

Step 6: Become the Type of Person Who...

This one might sound a bit woo-woo, but trust me, it works.

Instead of chasing outcomes, focus on your identity. Ask yourself: “What kind of person would naturally create the life I want?”

• Want to be fit? Become the type of person who enjoys moving their body.

• Want to be successful? Become the type of person who finishes what they start.

• Want to be confident? Become the type of person who trusts their own decisions.

When you shift your focus from what you want to who you are, the actions you need to take and avoid become obvious.

Step 7: Break Time Into Tiny Blocks

This whole idea of changing your life is overwhelming.

But changing one hour? One minute? That’s pretty manageable.

Start thinking of your life as a series of tiny blocks of time.

You don’t have to win the day — just win the next hour. Make a better choice in the next moment. You don’t have to fix everything at once.

Start stacking one small win on top of another until you look back and realize you’ve built something incredible.

Step 8: Forgive, but Don’t Forget

You’re going to mess up, a lot.

You’re going to make bad decisions, fall back into old habits, and feel like a fraud. But every time you do, you have a choice — to forgive yourself or to give up.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It’s accepting the failure, learning from it, and using it as fuel to move forward. But don’t forget the lesson.

Let it hurt enough to remind you why you’re doing this, but not enough to paralyze you.

Change isn’t easy. It’s messy, painful, and full of setbacks.

But if you’re willing to face the discomfort, to sit with the hard truths, and to do what most people won’t, you’ll find yourself on the other side wondering why you didn’t start sooner.

Until next time,
Azan

(I’m open to feedbacks, if there were any mistakes, feel free to correct me, it’s my first time :)